Saturday, November 12, 2005
I felt the pain again.
I saw the picture and I was not there.
Maybe it was taken when I said I was not free.
But it hurts.
It hurts damn a lot.
I said I could deal with it.
I said I could bear all the consequences.
But why do I feel like crying everytime I see them together?
Why can't I go over to them and join in?
The barrier between us had become too high for me to climb over.
Is this my punishment?
If it is, I sure deserved it.
I let them down in the first place.
I have no right to be upset.
Who am I to blame them?
They are done with me.
I want to talk about the world.
This realistic and money-minded society.
Everyone does things for their benefits.
And they forget about why they want to do it in the first place.
Take a businessman for example.
You started out as a worker or maybe you own a small shop.
Then you work your way up to the top and you start to open more branches.
Next you will have your own company and you hire your workers.
You make loads and loads of money.
You got greedy and you became a workaholic just because you enjoy the luxurious life you are leading now. And you want more. You neglected your family, your friends, and you would do anything to get what you wanted. You just want more money so that you can have more power. But at the end of the day, what did you gain? You are left all alone by yourself. Are you happy now?
Take actors and actresses.
They love acting. They love to be able to perform to amuse the audience. You want your talent to be appreciated and praised.You love the smile and satisfaction on your audience' faces after your performance. Then you became famous. Everyone knows who you are. You are at the centre of attention. You've got high income too. Then after a while, you began to enjoy your fame so much you would do anything to climb higher to the top. And you forgot why you love to act in the first place.
Where is the sincerity and truth in people?
Even in my own family, I see things revolving around money, power and personal benefits. You made use of the people around you to get what you want. How low can you get? How despicable are you?
I have always been given the "what can you do?" look by my paternal relatives, or rather, one of them. You are nice and polite to me when my Dad's around. Sure yeah, my Dad's been the one who is taking care of the family and all you can do is to open your big mouth and not do anything. And when it comes to me and my brother, who are we to you? I bet you anything if we meet one another along the streets, we are like strangers to you.
I hate being despised on. I hate when people tell me, "Don't talk big la. It's hard for you la. You can meh?"
Yes! I can! If I say I can, I can. If I say I will, I will. Coz if I don't believe in myself, who else will?
You can never understand the looks I get from people. Just because I am from another country, I will surely be under you. Just because I am not a Singaporean, my achievements and results will fall below you. Yea, fat hope! Continue dreaming!
I will make it big.I swear I will.
I want you to live to see the day when I make my dreams become reality.
And then I can thank you for looking down on me. Cause you have awaken my determination to prove you wrong.
Life's unfair.
People always say "Wake up! Stop dreaming! Face the reality!"
No.
I say,
FIGHT REALITY.
you create your own destiny.
evey__** stepped on your garbage at
Friday, November 11, 2005
I have decided to re-live my blog cause I found out that without blogging, there is no other way that I can let out my thoughts.
I will control myself about what I am going to say here but in some cases there are times when I really gotta let it all out. Yeah.
My face was as red as a tomato and it hurts. I was under the scorching sun for only about 2 hours and my face was as if it was being roasted. Before training had a-maths remedial. I really like algebra stuff a lot. So I actually enjoyed doing permutations, combinations and binomial theorem.
The training today awoke my training mood. Due to the fact that I want to be the first nine to play on the field. Everyone's improving so there is no reason for me to slack off right? I know I can, and I will. Cause at the end of the day, the person you disappoint is yourself. I am not letting myself and my teammates down.
I cannot believe I am going to be in sec four next year. Time really flies.
Throughout this year, I have learnt a very important lesson. If you really want to do or say something, just do it. If you don't try, you will never know how high you can fly. If you don't persevere, you will never know how far you can run. Don't hesitate, because the more you hesitate, the more you will hold back, and don't let anything hold you back from what you want to achieve.
evey__** stepped on your garbage at