Friday, March 03, 2006
Just got back from orchard
Watched Big Momma 2 with JJ, xueli, jp,siaun and nic.
The movie sort of cheered me up a little
Cross Country this morning
So i can wave bye bye to the medals again
Excuse is, everytime there is a cross country, i don't feel well.
I just cannot run long distance.
So there i was thinking,
I am such a loser.
What kind of athlete am I?
But the thing is,
I don't give a damn about the medals that much.
I'm just upset about something.
I was blaming myself for letting them down and everything and i think they were somewhere else sitting down drinking water engrossed in their group cheer (without me by the way).
I am happy for them. But know what? I can't bring myself to smile.
I clapped and cheered because I was putting on a brave front.
Deep inside I feel like going somewhere, I just don't want to stay there.
I was not annoyed, nor angry.
Even the word disappointed could not match what I am feeling now.
The word upset was too light a word to describe.
I am lost.
I thought we are the world's best teammates.
You guys proved me wrong today.
Yeah.
When the only thing that motivated me to continue running despite my injury was you guys cheering for me at the finish line. but no. you guys didnt.
you guys pushed a cripple down the stairs when the lift is not working.
that's how i felt.
blame myself for believing in you guys too much
too much that i hurt myself
evey__** stepped on your garbage at